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[light music]
I’m John Early, and today,
I’m gonna caption some cartoons. [laughs]
There is a flight attendant.
Not clear as to whether or not he’s gay.
[bell ringing]
I’m shocked to say I have a really strong instinct
with this one.
[upbeat music]
We do things a little differently around here.
There’s just something about this kind of gay boy
who spent their childhood in the mirror practicing
being a waiter or a flight attendant.
We do things a little differently around here.
I’m not very familiar with the Sherlock universe,
’cause I’m not a nerd, so he’s looking at the crossword,
and because he’s using a magnifying glass, I’m gonna say,
We’re gonna need a bigger crossword.
Kind of a Jaws reference.
It’s not good. I know that it’s not good.
So we have two small house cats watching a jungle cat.
Start the clock in the corner of the screen.
Don’t wanna gender them,
but I do feel like they’re lesbians, the cats.
[laughing] Okay, hold on. Keep the clock going.
One cat, the eyes are big. The other seems nonplussed.
Non-pussed? Okay, we’re getting somewhere.
This is awful.
I’m non-pussed.
We have a disco ball in an operation
I’m holding back from just writing, You better work,
’cause there’s gotta be something with knife,
like cut me to pieces, but in a gay way.
I’m just gonna do better work.
For time reasons, I’m gonna just go with that.
I have a call at three.
Meaning like, You better work. We have surgery to do.
We have a UFO, an alien, a cow.
I think the cow wants to go with the alien.
[cow mooing]
Okay.
So I’m gonna do, Take me with moo,
and I’m not gonna think any harder about it,
’cause that’s obviously great.
[laughs] Take me with Moo.
This is my favorite of the ones I’ve done today.
I just wanna put that on record.
If you’re familiar in any way with my standup,
which I really hope you’re not, honestly, I am not concise.
I ramble a lot to make largely incoherent points,
and I can learn from what I just went through.
I did learn from what I just went through,
so thank you to the New Yorker for helping me grow.
[calm music]
