admin
[upbeat music]
Hi, I am here for my exam.
Hi, I’m Dr. Black, have a seat.
What seems to be the problem?
Oh, no problem, just a routine eye exam.
Before we get started, I should let you know
I’m not a regular physician, I’m a little special.
Have you heard of DEI?
Kind of, it’s been in the news.
Yeah, it’s really topical right now.
Well, I’m a DEI doctor.
What? A DEI doctor.
It’s like a regular doctor, but you know?
No.
Whatever it means to you.
Should I not be here right now?
Oh no, the question is, should I not be here?
Where did you go to medical school?
Harvard obviously, cum laude.
But I may or may not have taken the spot
from a more deserving white person.
Let’s just get to the eye exam.
DEI exam.
I’m just gonna show you a few images here.
Go ahead and read the letters on the board for me.
B-L-A-C Black Lives Matter.
Yes, yes they do.
Next
IMYT.
Yes you are, and don’t forget it.
One or two? One.
All right.
Who is more qualified to be a commercial airline pilot?
Theresa or Jack?
Theresa or Jack?
They both look perfectly qualified.
Do they now?
Even though that’s Theresa Claiborne,
the first female African American pilot
in the United States Air Force,
but I’m sure they’re both equally qualified.
I didn’t know that, that’s kind of cool.
Who’s more deserving of a promotion, Winston or Michael?
How could I know that?
I said, Michael or Winston?
Well, Winston’s asleep so it’s not because he’s white,
but Michael.
Winston’s asleep ’cause he was up all night
doing the work that Michael didn’t finish
’cause he was out parasailing or whatever you people do.
If I had the context-
So the company’s downsizing
and somebody’s gotta be let go, who’s it gonna be?
I am not with HR and I don’t wanna fire anybody,
but I just gave the big promotion to the last white guy
so I will choose this white guy.
Of course, interesting you said guy
when it’s actually Amy who provides for her entire family,
including her deadbeat husband, Jeff,
and all their special needs kids.
Oh, come on, I thought this was a vision test.
It’s about your vision
for the future of this country, okay?
Racism starts in the retinas, remember that.
You’re right, I’m sorry, I will do better.
You actually didn’t do that bad,
Your vision hasn’t changed much at all.
Yeah, I just have one more question for you here.
Which of these should I put on my dating profile?
Definitely the second one.
That’s what I was thinking too, I thought so, yeah.
[Patient] You look really good in that one.
[Doctor] Thank you so much, okay, amazing.
Just give you your prescription, there you go.
This is just a Groupon to a hookah lounge.
Yeah, I DJ there on Wednesdays.
Make sure you mention my name, DJ Dr. Black,
and you get free water.
Cool, I love hookah!
Yeah, you get just one water though.
All right, get out.
And rate me good on Zocdoc.
